She had a name actually, I just didn’t tell anyone.
There’s a restaurant that sits up on a hill in Big Sur, California, that has a large patio with an expansive view of the sea. The afternoon sun scatters sparkly diamonds of golden light across endless waves of the bluest blue. Back in the day the prices of the food were too expensive for me to afford, so when I was a teenager my girlfriend and I used to sneak sandwiches and drinks out on to that big patio and gaze for hours out to the curved horizon. The name of the restaurant is the Spanish word for window, a portal through which the world seems a brighter, calmer, more peaceful place to be.
Just got my hair cut. I was her last customer of the day. Usually I close my eyes and zone out, but this time was different. I quietly looked into the mirror, transfixed by her big brown doey eyes and round shaven head. Neither of us spoke which is unusual at a barber shop. She was a fair bit younger than me, which would normally be a turn off, but when she rested her soft hands on the back of my neck afterward, I was hooked. Some people just have the touch, and it goes to show a connection can happen anywhere, anytime.
There’s some kind of change coming but I can’t figure out what it is. At first I thought it was my living situation, I got preapproved for a loan to start looking for a house, but I don’t think that’s it. Then I thought it was the stock market. I really enjoy investing, and just recently totally restructured all my positions, but I don’t think that’s it either. It’s fun to think about, but I’ve learned not to think too hard. I’ll just do what tends to work out for me which is is thinking for fun but acting on instinct.
The boat hasn’t sold which is interesting. At first there were a lot of emails and calls, but they gradually drifted off and I stopped replying to the weird questions people tend to ask. I check on her as often as possible, she sits there patiently. Patiently waiting? It really seems that way. At night before I go to sleep I often think about weird things like overhauling the standing rigging, where to store provisions for a long voyage, a new tri-color masthead light, a solid VHF with AIS, new cruising main, deck lighting, Hydrovane. I draw out a plan in my head for a hard dodger, built to fit a rigid solar panel. She’s a pretty boat, clean and simple, equipped for day sailing, local overnights and light Salish Sea exploration. However I’m beginning to wonder if it might be my destiny to bring her back to her full potential, equipped to handle big water. I hope not as it that would break me financially, taking everything I have. Maybe that’s why I really want to sell the boat, because I know better. But who am I to deny a connection if it’s meant to be? It’s fun to think, it feels good to be active, and it’s exciting to have an open-ended life again. It was a good day today.
I found these agates on the beach. When held up to the sun, they radiate a warm beautiful light. Each one is unique. The clarity is never the same, as some are almost flawless, while others have scars and impurities. The colors vary but are soft and warm without fail. Each one is different in size, no two ever have the same shape.
What I find most intriguing is the tendency to pick one up, put it in my pocket, take it home, display it, show it to others. But the truth is that once this is done, the magic disappears along the way. The true beauty is not in the appearance, but in the experience of the moment – the search, the time, the discovery, the appreciation, the holding tight, the setting free. Taste, texture, smell, anticipation, experience, memory.
If you’re a guy and know what I’m talking about here then that’s cool – you get it. If you’re a woman and know what I’m talking about here then well, I wish I could date you.