I guess I’ve gone and done it. Pushed the button. Whenever I write a post, I write a little, mull it over, write a little bit more, update the post, and keep doing that over and over until I’m satisfied. Each time I go to update the post there’s a button above “update” which says “launch”. I’ve never hit that launch button in all the 7 months I’ve been at this blog, until my last post on Sunday apparently. I woke up the next morning with a follower, and I instantly knew what must have happened, yep I hit the button, my posts are now open to the world.
Until now this blog has not been public, it has been a private place for me to work through the events of this past year, events that rocked my life and forced me to reexamine my place in this world. It has offered me a way to organize my thoughts, fears, dreams, and grief. It has been an outlet for my heartbreak, I cry through my fingertips over and over until I exhaust myself and fall asleep.
My first thought when I realized I had launched the site by mistake was to delete the blog entirely, to vaporize a troubled part of my past, to move on. But I’m not going to for two reasons. I’m not done telling my story, I’m not done coming to terms with what happened, I’m not out of the woods yet. And two, maybe there’s someone out there who is also going through tough times, and if that someone is you, I don’t know if my words would ever help, but at least you know you’re not alone. So feel free to follow along as I try to work my shit out, to survive, to make it. And to the one follower I have – thanks, that’s kind of neat. Welcome to after the rain.